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I Think I Blogged My Pants
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religious fear

3/30/2015

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I can see why a lot of intelligent people are atheists or agnostics.

Religion is downright scary and borders on blackmail.

Most religions have the fear thing rampant in their sect.

For example:

Excommunication. If you didn't do what the priest said, He would tattle to God and make sure you never got introduced.

Limbo. A concept downright mean. Poor babies that have to float around, forever I guess, because of not being baptized because of death. Since this wacked out concept was invented 2,000 years ago, that's a lot of astral poop.

Food restrictions. If you eat pork or beef, depending on what religion of course, once again, you're on God's shit list.

That's a lot of I don't love you and you're not my kid, anymore, because you didn't follow these rules.

I wish humanity would let God out of his tiny box that is composed of NO's.

The pursuit of knowledge has made even the most primitive bumpkin a god compared to a caveman.

So why hasn't religion grown right along side of science?

We're talking about 2,000 year old information, here.

There seems to be three types of reactions to conversations about religion:

People that like to speculate about a God that is not categorized by a brand name of a religion.

Those that are robots of their religion and that regard conversation about that subject about as interesting as talking about toothpaste.

And seemingly intelligent people that turn feral, thinking that questions mean that you're on the opposite team.

I thrive on finding out cool stuff about God!

The reason I can prove that it is actually God stuff, is that I haven't heard of humans that can make black holes, planets, LIFE!

Why doesn't everyone explore what that Jesus dude was trying to tell us?

LOVE.

Not that sappy crappy card kind.

The kind where if your buddy pisses you off, you forgive him. Or the sweetness of a baby's smile.

The part of the information he was trying to impart to a deaf world that thrilled me was where he said we could be just like him.

Teleporting, walking across water, healing people, turning water into wine!

And God's ultimate show of love – reincarnation, totally proved by that young kid from Israel.

He was born with a horizontal red mark on his forehead, told his mother that was where his head had been hacked by an axe, told Mom his previous name, took her to where the axe was buried, showed her where his previous body was buried and took her to his killer, who confessed.

That has got to convince the most hard hearted skeptic.

So folks, That's MY kind of God.

One that gives you a do-over.










Aliens

You know who is on my shit list?

The aliens!

Everyone has seen some version of 'The Day The Earth Stood Still'.

They showed up and told humanity either stop blowing each other up, or WE'LL blow you up, or send you back to the stone ages.

O.K. I'm a dreamer!

We know if aliens showed up, they'd be on the autopsy table badda bo, badda bing.

I'm sure that after viewing the Roswell Incident, our planet has to be on a, 'If You Land Here You're Bat Shit Crazy List.'

I think that when man was scarce on this lovely planet, the aliens came here as a vacation spot, or for scientific research.

Now, I think the visiting aliens are either rebellious teen aliens who like to flirt with death, or intergalactic bookies, watching the insanity that's going on, and taking bets as to when the idiots in charge succeed in killing all of humanity and this gorgeous planet.

You do know, don't you, that our leaders and their dedication to war are a real buzzkill for interactions with the aliens?

Who wouldn't want to zip through a couple of time warps and be home in time for dinner?

I know what you're thinking. I don't want no stinking anal probes the aliens love to give you.

Hmmm. But -

Never mind!

I heard that over 70% percent of people now believe in UFO's.

I think that anyone who pays ANY attention to our news – however slanted – knows that our situation is becoming Code Red.

Damn you Aliens!

Save Us!




Cowards.




cindy.lalonde@aol.com

www.ithinkibloggedmypants.com

1 Comment

Burp

3/20/2015

1 Comment

 
I was walking my dog after having a few beers and experienced a long, stinky and totally enjoyable belch.

That means I'm a guy, right?

No, I am a female who is pissed off I can't belch with family and friends, and not be considered a dyke in training. And, let me make this clear and politically correct. Even though I like to play hide the sausage, some of my best friends are dykes. And they burp with impunity.

I am urging all women to assert their rights to be human beings and not be a male created stereotype. Those Irish Grannies knew what they were talking about.

Better out than in.

Start burping with loved ones. Have contests. (Not after eating Kimchee!)

Start a new honest relationship with your significant other and your family.

Start bugging the toy company to invent a Belching Barbie.

Be honest. When you're sitting around with your girlfriends after eating a plate of nachos and drinking a Bud, you don't rip off a few?

The world needs to acknowledge that you can be drop dead gorgeous and not be considered a creature of horror just because a loud belch emerged from those perfect red lips.

Come on Ladies! Your grandmothers pioneered a new freedom unheard of forty years ago.

Let's shatter a MALE created stereotype that desirable woman are supposed to crap rose petals and blush becomingly while the man enjoys his oh-so-pleasurable burp.

Forget the ice bucket challenge.

My dream is to see a video of a group of fearless woman burping in unison and saying

HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW?

America start BURPING!










1 Comment

SEX

3/19/2015

0 Comments

 



We've come a long way baby!

It took 40 years for the sexual revolution that was born in the 60's to result in the freedom of sexuality for woman.

But has it gone to far?

I read an article that told about 8th and 9th grade girls that have a Bald Eagle club

They all shave their pubes and see who can lose their virginity first.

The reaction to this seems to polarize people:

The mother discreetly shows up while her 8th grade daughter is taking a shower, hoping to see a virginal bush!

One of the fathers of one of these girls starts crying, ignoring the fact that in high school he taught a lot of sex education in his back seat.

Bible belt women everywhere screaming, 'Whore'!

Women of America wake up to the fact that your moralism is actually male cultural brainwashing.

One of these days, I'll write a blog about all the ways throughout history, starting with that damn apple, that MANkind has conned women to adhere to a code totally favorable to the guy.

You'll finish reading it a week later.

I mean, come on, men got to live a life of adventure, create history and pretty much take credit for everything.

Our job was to have kids and make him feel good, while we teetered on that booooring pedestal, and we were supposed to like it!

It's time to take action, ladies!!

First, we create our behavior modification lab. We hire a fantastic hypnotist for the men.

Of course she will have to have triple Z boobs that sway back and forth, turning them into totally biddable zombies.

Her identity will be totally safe, because they won't look higher than that massive set looking at them.

Then, we dose them with clinical LSD – the kind the army uses – because after all they are going to be in the alternate universe of being a chick.

Then we temporarily knock them out for a few hours.

The men wake up – programed.

They haul themselves up with difficulty. That's because they have bras on that has the weight of those triple Z's.

They lay down on the bed so they can pull on those hot jeans that are the equivalent of corsets.

Then, they put on those high heels that is necessary for the sex tart look.

They stand up which is a major accomplishment, because they're teetering on those damn MT Everest shoes, while trying to compensate for the two boulders on their chests.

And the fun has just been begun.

Now, they have to teeter seductively into the living room with their ass stuck out and tits thrust forward, trying not to think how bad their backs are hurting for hauling those things around.

When they find out they have to trot out canapes while trying to look like playboy bunnies, the program breaks down.

They hurl off the accoutrements necessary to be judged hot.

They then realize the sacrifices that woman make to be considered attractive, right?

No, the men get a smug look on their faces:

BETTER YOU THAN US!













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    free thinker, astrologer, animal lover, and happy to be insane in the membrane.

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