Add text
I Think I Blogged My Pants
  • mental telepathy
  • Contact
    • About
  • mental telepathy
  • Blog

side effects

9/29/2015

1 Comment

 
I just paid attention to an often aired commercial about Lyrica, discretely mentioning a bunch of horrible side affects, one being skin sores.

I had a vision of these sores appearing on a users face and the poor person chasing after people yelling, Stop, I don't have leprosy! I'm just taking a drug for diabetic pain!

I swear the drug commercials have some powerful subliminal mind control going on.

Imagine.

You're sixty. Still looking handsome.

But your once throbbing love hammer is now just hanging there.

So you pay attention to the commercial about daily Viagra.

You watch the commercial featuring beautiful older people giving each other that sexually suggestive look. Beautiful scenery and music.

Then you hear the side effects.

-Possible loss of vision.

You have a quick flashback of your mother catches you doing the 'M' thing and telling you you'll go blind.

-Loss of hearing.

-4 hour erection.

Finally! Something good!

-Possible stroke.

You suddenly see yourself.

You're in a wheel chair with those black blind glasses on, and a thick blanket on your lap making a tent from the four hour erection that won't go away unless the doctors cut off your weiner. The grandchildren are playing around you in your wheelchair, going, what's wrong with Grandpa, and why can't we sit on his lap? You don't care because you can't see or hear them, although you ARE pissed off because they had to tie your hands to the wheelchair because all you want to do is play with your giant erection.

What else is there to do?

Your old lady now sleeps in another locked room, because she can hardly walk.

You jerk out of your reverie.

Come on, a lot of the guys at work use it and they're fine.

Time to check with your Doctor.

You tell him what's going on and he tries not to smile since he gets a kickback from the drug company.

You express concern as to the side effects.

The doctor reassures you, has to leave for a second and has you watch the commercial again. Only this time it features a hot looking Scandinavian chick giving the, 'it could be you look.'

You think of the smug looks on the guys face at work, you think of your half mast flag, and that hot woman at work that might be available if your wife isn't up to it.

The doctor returns with the prescription.

He wouldn't give you something that would harm you, right?

The Physician's Vow – Do No Harm.

They should just get real and put funeral homes next to the hospital.







1 Comment

Mental Telepathy

9/28/2015

1 Comment

 
I think the best way for aliens to thin out the population of the Earth would be to saturate the earth with a mental telepathy ray.

We'd all be able to read each other minds.

Scary thought!

I mean, I am a kind person, but when a huge caboose jiggles by you, don't you think, My God, you could serve a three course meal on that bootie!

It's obvious to surmise that marriages and lovers would be ground zero for violence.

The loving wife run ragged by three kids, but managing to look attractive even though there is baby spit on her shoulder, still has that delicious meal ready for the long awaited hubby.

She's telling him about little Billy eating his bugger and BUZZ!

The ray has hit.

She can suddenly hear in her head, Will she PLEASE run out of gas so I can go see juicy Lucy!

He is affected too, and he's suddenly glad that he put off that knee surgery and that she has to run upstairs to get the gun out of the dresser in the bedroom.

As he runs out of the house, he hears screams, and shots, and men and women are exploding out of their houses, followed by pissed off partners, screaming:

My sister?!!!

My best friend?!!!

You did what with my gerbil?!!!

After the mass killings, the population is thinned out dramatically.

The world becomes a better place.

Politicians run for the hills as their thoughts confirm the old adage: if their lips are moving, they're lying.

Pedophiles are killed by the droves, especially in the Vatican.

All name religions disintegrate, as people realize their spiritual leaders are faking the hot line to God.

Of course, there are hold outs.

Conservative people that must have programmed thoughts, fat people that are tired of hearing 6 double whoppers?!!, square hairs whose brains start smoking from new thoughts, now wear the aluminum hats from the movie, Signs, to block out thought reception.

Of course, people that wear these hats can't run for political office or hold positions of trust.

The only profession encouraged to wear aluminum hats are prostitutes.

Aliens, knowing that their heads will not be gracing the fireplace of the head of the NSA, heal the earth, heal a humanity divorced from itself, make life so wonderfully cool that young and old can't wait to get out of bed everyday, and......

Sorry, I've been sucking too hard on that Thorazine lolipop the doctor prescribed.

But, it's my fairy tale and I'm sticking to it!!!




www.ithinkibloggedmypants.com

cindy.lalonde@yahoo.com

1 Comment

me bairns

9/27/2015

1 Comment

 
You know, I'm pretty proud of my blogs, because I firmly believe that dead comedians are dictating some of this stuff.

Because it makes me laugh, I want to make other people laugh, too.

In this internet era of here today, gone next second, you better snag the public's brain quickly or you are clicked into oblivion.

So, I guess that a lot of the beginning of these blogs have shocking – BUT – true facts and if you follow along, you'll start laughing.

But, folks, I've had some 'interesting' reactions from the people that I've handed blogs to.

I distributed about a 100 of them at an Art Festival recently.

Of course I tried to secretly see their reactions, since these are my mental children.

Most of the time I got to see:

Reluctant laughter

Total insane surrender to the wackness of it

Or:

Total contemptuous lip tightening (from a snobby rich bitch on Park Ave).

People HORRIFIED in a controlled way such as edging politely away from the crazy lady, or flicking it contemptuously on the ground.

The worst was when I gave my Sex blog to my favorite deli worker and when she started reading it yelling, Sweet Jesus, I can't read this!! Oh, help me God!!!

(Maybe this blog can serve a higher purpose – they could read it to conservative people on their deathbed, and their righteous indignation could snatch them from the jaws of death!)

When I came home, feeling like Tillie, the three headed freak, my boyfriend make me feel better by saying, Well, at least you got a reaction!

In trying to analyze my failure to communicate, I saw a pattern.

I did mention body parts.

Breasts, and vaginas, and penis's, oh, my.

If Pat Robertson ever watched recent Nature films he would try to shut Mother Nature down.

Male lions have sex fifty times a day, and a male pigs' orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

Have you no shame, Mother Nature!

Well, humanity sure does.

Every properly educated person knows the story of the WOMAN being branded with the scarlet A for having more than one partner, and the Town Whore for having too many.

I just have one question.

What would have happened if ADAM had grabbed that apple, instead?




www.ithinkibloggedmypants.com

cindylalonde@aol.com







1 Comment

mary

9/26/2015

0 Comments

 
I'm finally figuring out the reason marijuana is Public Enemy # 1.

Because when you smoke the good stuff, an attack of extreme laughing is one of the side effects of this weed that the creator put on Earth.

It makes you feel happy, laugh and eat a lot of food that suddenly tastes incredibly wonderful, and gives many tastebud orgasms.

And for imaginative thinkers it is mind candy.

No wonder the powers that be are terrified.

The Indians knew the power of the weed. When the explorers looking for adventure met the Indians, many a peace pipe was passed. Being stoned transcends the petty barriers of language.

Because who needs language when you look at each other and you go into hysterics! Yes, for no logical reason and that's the beauty of it.

War depends on polarization – they're bad – we're good.

The weed dissolves this.

Think about it – the ultimate terror attack that becomes a love fest!

Marijuana gas is released in a meeting of all the major powers of the world.

People who are first gasping start laughing.

Putin is cracking out his prize vodka and foie gras for Obama.

It's too late for the poker faced Chinese – the gas has got them too. They start giggling.

The next day they have to go to evil leader refresher courses and be reprogrammed.

I think the Creator put pot here to offer us a chance to be a little kid again. The weed dissolves petty small thoughts by magnifying the magical loving nutty quality of childhood.

So when your vision is a tiny pinhole and you're thinking shitty thoughts about everyone, smoke a damn doobie. You'll find that being pissed at that person is not important anymore.

I guess that's why this plant is a national security problem.

This plant makes flogging fear a real problem.

Ya think?










0 Comments

TINMAN

9/26/2015

1 Comment

 
I just saw something totally scary for you men out there.

They did the first penis transplant.

I hope they kept this news from the Chinese.

We all know how they will kill any animal on the face of the Earth to enhance their sex drive.

And, we know how ruthless they are.

Get ready for....DICKRUNNER!!!

You won't be running because you're a robot, no!

You'll be running because somebody ratted you out and got the bounty because you have a big shlongo!!

Men now tape their crotch so they look like a Ken doll.

When they go to the now almost deserted bars, they look around nervously and once in a while make a comment on how small they are.

Rich men wear armed cod pieces.

Trophy wives, that of course will be dropped when time has done it's damage, have to sign new agreements that during divorce proceedings if you wake up with your wango missing, they don't get a penny.

Being faithful reaches an all time high because it means that your best friend will be there the next day, instead of decorating some shrimpy Oriental's crotch.

Experts find out that it's worse than they first estimated.

Because the average oriental penis is 3 inches – yes that's why they are killing gorgeous tigers and bears, oh my!

Every American's male organ is big bucks, Betty!

Let's hope this is just a joke, you self proclaimed stud.

But, if you're enjoying the old in and out and you notice your partner measuring you manly manhood, in all it's glory -

Not to worry.

You've got a Lojack Implant!




wwwithinkibloggedmypants.com

cindylalonde@aol.com


1 Comment

    Archives

    June 2016
    May 2016
    September 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015

    Author

    free thinker, astrologer, animal lover, and happy to be insane in the membrane.

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly