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religion

5/25/2015

They've been running a lot of religious movies, lately.

I saw one of the reasons that people don't want to die.

Death sounds deadly dull.

I was raised Southern Baptist and given two options.

When you die, unless you've done the rituals of your particular religions, you get to eternally burn in hell – I guess that's if you've really pissed off God – or you get to play harps, float around on clouds, and sing eternal hosannas.

Maybe that's why some people turn Muslim – their heaven sounds more interesting - if you're a guy.

Because I will read the back of a ketchup bottle, I ran into books by people who did die, and came back to talk about it.

According to these accounts, once you get past being everyone you've helped or hurt (yea, that parts' gotta be a bummer for someone like Hitler) death is a blast!

Everything is geared to have fun.

How did Religion get to be so terrifying and somber?

Because it is the ultimate power tool.

We all wanted our first gods, our parents to love us. If we did not do what they said, we got (well, you used to) our ass whipped, and the threat that if we did not comply, their love could be withheld.

Religions tell us that if we don't comply, we don't just get our privileges suspended, we lose our soul or the right to meet our maker.

That's cold, man!

The God that I was presented with was unacceptable.

Why would a God that can create black holes, the stars, the moon, and US be petty and revengeful?

I started to realize that Man has created God in his image.

Since I couldn't find a non-judgemental God in any religious documents, I started a life long journey for the real McCoy.

That's why I dove eagerly into the rabbit hole.

I went right to the source – hallucinogenics.

In the 70's – a lovely age when the laws were gentle- my old man and I went to Kissimee, Fl, when it was still all cattle lands – and collected 10 industrial size bags of magic mushrooms.

It made a gruel so thick, a spoon would stand up in it.

I should have at least a footnote in history.

I deserved the Nobel Peace Prize for liberating minds that night.

No atheists or agnostics left that night.

All minds were relieved of their bothersome leash to reality.

You become one with all of humanity and Mother Nature.

I went outside and the clouds gave me information about the continents they just came from.

That's got to be one the reasons that the military gave up on it.

Who gives a crap about killing another, when you're in an alternate universe and KNOW that everyone and everything is interconnected.

Mushrooms and psychedelics have always been used as a religious ceremony all over the world.

Because your life is never the same again.

You now KNOW that God is real and have confirmed that the universe in your brain is totally unbound by this third dimension.

2 Comments

viagra

5/17/2015

11 Comments

WARNING; DO NOT READ WHILE EATING

I just saw another ad for a virility drug. One of the side affects was blindness and/or hearing loss.

A recent survey reported showed that STD's are the highest in seniors.

This should tell you that the old really want what the kids today have and DON'T appreciate.

Tons of sex.

It's too bad that kids aren't taught real history.

That in the good ol' days, the hymen, or lack of it designated whether you, a female, were good or evil.

Until us old fucks pioneered the way. I'm 60, and when I was in high school, the most beautiful, loveable girl in school got pregnant, and had to leave school in shame.

Of course, the boy stayed in school, with bragging rights.

Even she had it better than the early woman in Ireland. If you were poor and pregnant your baby was taken away and you had to work in a laundry MOST OF YOUR LIFE to pay for your sin.

So, why the hell wasn't the guy that made it happen right next to her?

The stereotype was clear. If a man enjoyed himself, he was a stud, she was a whore.

And if she got pregnant, no hiding it then.

Not only was was she a shamed creature, her offspring was labeled a bastard.

There's gotta be a ton of bitter grannies that had their lives and reputations ruined because of the brainwashing bullshit – men can screw with impunity and women should just shut up and knit.

But, so sad.

Now that they can screw with impunity, their once ripe bodies are gross, shriveled fruit.

However, Necessity is the mother of invention

I recently read in this one book, that the bar owner rented his basement regularly to a bunch of horney old farts, who with the aid of very low lighting and Viagra, would have orgies far into the nights.

I guess that old saying – invented of course by a man – all cats are gray in the dark is true.

So, have some respect for your elders.

And be happy they crossed a cool thing off their bucket list.

So, when you see your 70ish grandparents smiling that strange smile just remember this article and -

Gross!!

Never Mind!

11 Comments

Drugs

5/1/2015

10 Comments

Since the 1970's, the medical society has been pulling new disease labels left and right out of the void – with the only thing in their way, their lack of imagination.

An upset stomach, caused by eating the wrong food, is now a disease called acid reflux syndrome. They have a drug, just for you.

Packing food in until your body has no recourse but to vigorously expel it is now called irritable bowel syndrome. They have a drug, just for you.

Your kid is bouncing off the wall from his tenth Mountain Dew and an empty bag of ding dongs. He has ADD, and ADDH. They have a drug, just for him.

The Food Industry, Big Pharma, and Medicine have formed an unholy menage a trois.

Everyone is starting to get it that some funky stuff is in our food and might be affecting our bodies.

So, You look at your medicine cabinet for something to make you feel better.

You notice, you have a LOT of bottles.

And, you've started feeling crappier.

You are starting to realize that the doctor should have told you to check your liver at the door.

Especially cause you read that article written by a doctor that said his wife had called him a paid whore because he got a kick back for every prescription he wrote.

I got to give it to Big Pharma.

They know that if you see a big titted chick, or cute kids or dogs, or something in the groove, you're going to block out the commercials.

That's how Big Pharma covers it's legal arse.

Their commercials are about old people or boring pastoral family scenes.

Underneath these mostly ignored images are the quickly uttered side affects of these drugs.

Internal bleeding, instant death, liver failure, kidney failure, blindness, Ad. Infinitum.

They actually tell you that!!

O.K. Those side effects couldn't happen to you.

But.

Be very, very afraid.

One of the new side effects is

Oily anal discharge.

Good Luck.

10 Comments

peabrain

5/1/2015

1 Comment

When I read about bullying, I feel politically incorrect emotions.

WHERE HAS AMERICA'S BACKBONE GONE?

Into the Valley of Litigation.

When I saw the latest bullying story, I said Hot Damn, I'm glad I'm 60!!

Sure, I'm not happy about the rotting flesh part, but I got to have the pleasure of defeating the neighbor hood bully, and not go to jail and counseling and debt.

In 1967, my dad retired in Fl., and when I came home on the bus, on the first day at school, I was told that I had to fight Marlene, the neighborhood bully.

No problemo! My sister, who I am sure murdered me in a previous lifetime, was a berserker fighter. So, I had experience in the art of defending myself.

When this much heavier and meaner girl came at me, I gave her a solar plexus punch, and that was all she wrote. We became friends later!

Come on, parents! Put your kids into a martial art program.

Then, you get a cockateil for your child that has been trained by me.

When they take the cover off the cage every morning, the sweet little bird tells her that she's a turd.

You don't know how this brings the day into perspective.

Sometimes, my cockatiel tells me I'm a pretty turd!

Then, have her hang out with the grandparents.

Unless they're from that horrible bloodline, the Regulation Charlies, they will help your child with sensible advice.

Such as, wait till the bully is alone, clock 'em and keep your mouth shut.

Come on folks!

A video on the internet of a 4 year old's response to a bully really convinced me that we have become a nation of wimpie noodles.

When the mother on the video asked this lively cute as the dickens black girl what happened, she said: He said I was ugly, and I told him I was not here for a fashion statement, I'm here to learn.

And, then he said, maybe I'm not so ugly.

And a little child shall lead them.

1 Comment

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