When you find out the real facts, it's obvious that history books are written by out of work screen play writers and spin doctors.
(And speaking of spin doctors, good ol' Teddy Roosevelt is the emperor of all spin doctors – he turned the islands of the Philippines into a shooting gallery for the military who 'sanctioned' 250,000 Filipinos, specifically boys nine years and older, and he's on Mt Rushmore!)
But! - to get back to the nitty gritty details that is REALLY the stuff of life.
Even above Sex, the TURD (echo chamber, please) – especially the lack of it– is the real mover and shaker of this planet.
One of the proofs of this theory was Martin Luther, who was a passionate, VERY constipated priest in the 1500's and disgusted with the Catholic Church. (The Pope, who had blown all his money on partying, was selling front row seats to Heaven called indulgences.)
After TWO WEEKS of not taking a crap, when he finally let loose, he created the new religion of Protestantism.
Another result of the power of the Turd was the Battle of Waterloo.
Not only was Napoleon another constipated guy, but he was a strainer.
His hemorrhoids were so massive his doctor applied leaches to suck them flat so he could mount his horse.
When his doctor forgot his leaches at the Battle, the doctor had to administer opium.
Doped out, and pounding those huge hemorrhoids - you gotta forgive the poor guy for losing the battle.
I don't know about you, but when I go a couple of days of not making a deposit in the porcelain throne, I become mean as a snake.
You and I just torture others in our tiny worlds when we feel 'shitty', but it makes you wonder how many constipated world leaders have their fingers on that red button?
I'm surprised that some imaginative lawyer hasn't successfully used the Constipation Defense.
Your Honor, my client is not guilty because he had a 10 pd turd up his ass.
It could work.
A recent news article about a visiting Shah in London proves that a creative lawyer and a client with a lot of money can win.
The Shah invited a dense young lady up to the entire floor he was occupying who somehow didn't get it that the price tag was sex.
She accused him of rape.
His defense against rape was that his dick just happened to be hanging out and he tripped and it fell into her.
So, folks, I hope in the pursuit of world peace, you splash down many a brown trout.
And, as my sicko boyfriend says, eat some corn so it has yellow eyes.